Pure Vanity, II

Just when you thought I had enough of myself…..I became a mini-blog star. In all modesty, this compliment is paid to Bobbi + Mike, the amazing photographers behind the shots. I do have to think that my amazing ass had something to do with it, but that is questionable at most.

The evidence:

Pretty Bride

Rock n’ Roll Bride

And then there were five….

…..weeks until the wedding. Our summer by the numbers:

4: Number of wedding showers hosted in our honor. Shockingly, no stupid games were required at a single event.

1: Number of engagement parties thrown for us. Also, the number of times my friends and family will ever go to a party where the honored couple is serenaded with “Unforgettable” and “You’re a Grand Old Flag” — twice. Don’t ask.

959: Square feet of new flooring laid in our new house last week. Prior to that, we watched TV and ate every meal in two matching Penn State tailgating chairs.

250: Guests we’re expecting for the wedding. This seems outrageous to me, but honestly has left plenty of people off the list. Hurt feelings be damned, I could not handle a bigger wedding. Nor could our budget.

12: Gallons of new paint on the walls. Paint alone was a huge expense, but when almost every room in your house is painted with primer only, and smells horribly like an old folks home, you paint every surface. No choice. Still to come? Painting the master bath, and every. single. cabinet. in our rather large kitchen. Can you say, HIRE a pro?

1: Number of lawn mowers purchased and returned to Lowes, on the same day. My fiance’s only home-ownership dream was being able to mow his own lawn, and grill out like a real man. Within hours of purchasing both the grill and mower, the homeowner’s association rep informed us that our lawn service mows once a week, does all the weed and feed, and activates our sprinkler systems. Hearing “lawn service” and “snow removal” was beautiful music to my ears, yet Steve all but cried at the news. The grill still isn’t operational. Let’s not discuss this any further.

50+: Thank you cards painstakingly written already. Another potential 250 in the works.

7: Number of bridesmaids in the wedding. Extremely easy for me, but Ashleigh and Leah are probably 10 seconds away from killing me in my sleep after my inane questioning. I’m a little late to realize that no one probably gives two shits about the wording on the koozies, yet I debate it endlessly with them anyways. Still pals?

2: Bachelor/Bachelorette parties still to go. Mine in Chicago, the boys out on the lake. Oh the stories we’ll never tell….

Shower

Of the bridal variety. At a winery, with all my pals. A party that is all about me, giving me gifts, and talking about the amazing man I’ll be marrying. Um, YES please.

Earlier this week, I got to spend a few days in Atlanta. There was some quality learning (about NCAA rules, super cool), but there was some very quality time spent with my two college roommates. It was more than perfect to see them both, and share stories over lots and lots of wine. It hurt my heart to leave them.

Two “showers” in one week? Lucky girl.

Last Night….

My 80 pound dog decided that a corner of the bed was just not enough space for her beauty sleep. Nay, half of the bed wasn’t sufficient either – so I was forced to sleep diagonally with my feet hanging off the end. Nice. My back feels awesome this morning.

Happy weekend!

Pure Vanity

Who are these amazingly good looking people? And why are they so damn happy on a Monday? www.bobbiandmike.com/blog 

You may now return to your regular activities. I’ll remain glued to my own image(s) and planning huge photo walls for the new house. We had such a great time with our photographers, because, they’re absolutely cool people. Duh. I think it shows in the pics.

If you want to talk about how pretty I am, I’m readily available.

Faux Pas? Debate.

A job candidate for a position in my office sent the most adorable thank you cards. Super cute – I want them. I really love thank you cards, what can I say? The girl with the good cards didn’t get the job. How uber-tacky would it be to mention the cards and ask where they came from (she works in my building, in another position)?

My gut says, “Jenna you fool, you already have 250 effing thank you cards at home, and you’ll be so sick of writing thank you’s before the wedding even happens that you’ll barf at the sight of another one by July. Forget about it.”

P.S. The girl who got the job – great, sharp, perfect for the position. Her thank you’s? Eh, not bad.

P.P.S. Faux pas is a great phrase. FUN to say. Even more fun to hear other people mispronounce.

Upgrade for my residence, Part Deux

We bought a house. Fine – we technically will purchase it at the end of May when we close. I picked up 80 paint swatches at Sherwin Williams today to celebrate. The fiance loses all color in his face when I talk about the other DIY projects planned as soon as the keys are finally in hand.

Love it.

Quote of the Week:

“Cosmos are like boobs – one is just not enough, but three is too many.”

-Ms. Frantz, in reference to her favorite cocktail in town

The Name Game

I’ve noticed that new mothers fall into one of two possible categories: those who have fully named their baby in-utero, and those who wouldn’t dare reveal their child’s name until they are safely in the hospital nursery.

If you’re a mother in category #1, you are probably either extremely protective of the name you’ve chosen (“If you steal my baby name, I WILL cut you bitch”), or you’re naming your child something so overwhelmingly vanilla that you aren’t afraid to announce it. All babies with names like Ella, Maddie or Sarah fall in this group. Pre-named babies are either going to have a name so original that it borders on bizarre, or they have the most common name of their (young) generation. Credit goes to those using family names – it’s an honor and tradition that doesn’t really need to be a secret for too long. Named in the womb kids are more likely to have personalized blankets, nurseries and superiority complexes. Will your baby benefit from an extra 6-7 months with a name? YES! This is the number one selection criteria for students applying to Yale for the class of 2027.

Babies who shall remain nameless until birth are more likely to have good, solid, slightly unique names that are a more accurate reflection of their moments-old personalities. You won’t find a dark haired, blue eyed “Reba” in this group – her mother would know better and use those last minutes to pull a quick name switch. Of course, too many options may lead to Isaac Thomas Patrick Neil Johnson when push comes to shove (literally). These kids may have slight insecurity issues from growing an entire 9 months without a created identity, but then again, they don’t really see or breathe quite yet and might not notice. I bet Barak Obama didn’t have his name hanging above his crib in pretty painted blue letters before he arrived. JUST SAYIN’.

I personally get rather freaked out when forced to speak to someone’s abdomen by name. Of course, I’ll readily admit to being freaked out by babies all together. That said, I do (in anal-retentive style) have a word document on my computer containing the baby boy and girl names I find most endearing and adorable. DUH. Gotta be prepared in case someone swipes my unborn child’s name, which I undoubtedly won’t reveal until the ink is dry on the birth certificate.

Upgrade for your TV

26 years of life have taught me that there are very few non-douchebags in this world. Of the small number of quick-witted, non-douchebags, a surprisingly large number have never watched “30 Rock.” Pretty shameful really. Definitely funnier than “The Office” (post season 3), and yet shockingly under appreciated.

Those who enjoy shows like “CSI: Miami” or “Celebrity Apprentice” should ignore this recommendation. You most likely have no sense of humor, would hate this show, and could definitely be a douchebag. 

Tracy: I’m gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins? 
Jack: I’ve got two ears and a heart, don’t I?